i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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