Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
