My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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