to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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