Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
