watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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