I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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