all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize