You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
