ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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