So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
