so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
