How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
the liver wants what the liver wants
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
