i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
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