I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
