id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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