miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
