this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Who wears a wallet chain?!
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
