I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
