Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
