omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
