It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
