I feel like abortions should bother me more
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
