i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
