oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
