Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
