I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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