Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
