Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
