Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
