Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
