Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
