is your mom at the bar?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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