so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
