Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
You did what with his pubic hair?
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