Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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