i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
