You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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