I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
