I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
