remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
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