True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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