If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
