Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize