Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
