I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
