no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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