A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
