he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
