I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
