careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
