Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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