god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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