I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
