Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
