please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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