Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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