when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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