So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
