I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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