it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
