mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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