I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
