Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
