What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
