***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Alive.
So much puke
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
