I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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