Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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