I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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