I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
