I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Randomize
