The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Randomize