Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
